Sure, I lose one occasionally—if he stays in New York. Given time and the right environment, and he would outgrow these defects. Supposing he too wanted love and his arms were as empty as hers? Some living thing that depended upon her. There was no need to be afraid for me. “No, she just worries that I’ll go Satanic and start chomping the heads off of bats and mice or something. I don’t think of you as a kid. I will be very well without him. I know I am undeserving of your bounty; but if I were to tell you what hardships I have undergone—to what frightful extremities I have been reduced—and to what infamy I have submitted, to earn a scanty subsistence for this child's sake, —if you could feel what it is to stand alone in the world as I do, bereft of all who have ever loved me, and shunned by all who have ever known me, except the worthless and the wretched,—if you knew (and Heaven grant you may be spared the knowledge!) how much affliction sharpens love, and how much more dear to me my child has become for every sacrifice I have made for him,—if you were told all this, you would, I am sure, pity rather than reproach me, because I cannot at once consent to a separation, which I feel would break my heart. It must have been impossible to see me through that much rain.
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